Most everybody knows I was in the Navy - five years active duty. And I think most people are aware that, as of this writing, I am Second Lieutenant Ryno D. Cracker, United States Army Reserve. In two years I will be Captain Ryno D. Cracker, an active duty clinical psychologist for the Army. I think that more than a few people who have known me along the way might be curious about how that's come about.
People who only knew me during my adolescence have been routinely shocked to discover that I ever joined the military at all. Honestly, sometimes I am too. I'm not much for following orders. Even within the relatively relaxed heirarchy of an academic department, I'm known as a trouble-making rabble rouser who chafes at the slightest shadow of micromanagement. Not exactly military drone material. Nonetheless, three things draw me to the military. One always, has, one has since my late adolescence, and one has since I started a family.
First, I played "war" a lot as a kid. The allure and prestige of being in the military, rational or not, has always been stuck in the back of my mind. I remember, as a kid, seeing the way people looked at men in uniform and thinking, I want people to look at me that way. It's a very primal desire - childish if you prefer - but I've always wanted to "be somebody". You might call it a lack of self esteem, because I'm sure that's at least a small part of it. Oh well. Urges is urges (deep and grammatically perfect psychological advice from me to you). I can also tell you that I definitely noticed the personal loss of status once I left the Navy. I wasn't "special" any more.
Second, I need structure. As mentioned elsewhere, I have a not-so-wee touch of attention deficit disorder. And as much as I frequently despise it, I need something or someone to impose a little order into my life. I enjoy chaos. I thrive in stressful, high risk situations. But when things get boring, my personal management skills are severely lacking. It's the mundane day to day that I'm not so good at. And I realized as a teenager that I needed something like the military to compensate for my own inadequacy. I thought that going on a mission for the LDS church would be a good solution, but that didn't pan out (to be addressed in detail at a later date). The military was the only other reasonable option. Had I stayed in Rock Springs, there's no way I ever would have learned the discipline necessary to get to where I'm at now.
Third, the military pays. And if you're willing to sell your soul to Uncle Sam, it can pay well, with outstanding job security. Now, I love being a therapist. It comes naturally to me, and I'm blessed to have found a career that I thoroughly enjoy. However, earning a Ph.D. is hardly a guarantee of a large paycheck - particularly early in your career. If I were to get a job at a community mental health clinic, fresh out of grad school, I could be a doctor making 35-45k per year. Call me arrogant and uppity, but I'm not going to slave away through a full decade of school unless there's some serious moolah at the end of that tunnel. That feeling intensifies tremendously when I look at my wife and kids. The paternal provider set of genes is fully activated in my DNA. My wife has been scrimping and saving and stressed about money for long enough. She and my kids deserve to get a good return on all the time they've invested in an absentee father and husband. So instead of starting out at 35-45k/year as a civilian, I'm very keen on making 75-80k/year starting pay as a military officer.
So why didn't I go Navy? There are two reasons. First, I burned my bridge with the Navy. I was accepted into the Navy's Ph.D. clinical psychology program and then turned them down back when I wasn't certain I wanted back in the military. That's a small community and I would have to be hired by the same people I've already turned down once. Not gonna happen. Second, the Army has more need. If you're a Type-A pit crew chief, you'd rather work NASCAR races than the local dirt track. If you're a type-A ER doctor you'd rather work in a large urban hospital than a drowsy rural health clinic. And if you're a type-A psychotherapist, you'd rather work with combat infantry than homesick sailors. Yes, Navy shrinks also work with the Marines, but not exclusively. In the Army I can guarantee that I'll be focusing my career on high-risk combat troops. And I can get paid good money to do it.
The two downsides of the military are obvious, deployments away from my wife and kids, and not getting to live near friends and family. Not small issues, for sure. But unless my writing hobby turns out to be wildly more lucrative than probability predicts, I'll be doing the government's bidding wherever they send me for the next 15-20 years.
I noticed your desire to "be somebody" since you were very young. I was aware of it before you were by many years. And it's a good thing. The whys and hows might matter to you but the world needs people who charge to the front of the line.
ReplyDeleteHow many of us aren't a little lacking in self-esteem, on multiple fronts?
I admit, as an older brother, some of your efforts to be top dog or "front and center" did not mesh with my idea of proper pecking order. Perhaps I was good training for the military? Eh.
Yeah,my needs definitely caused some issues with sibling relations. That's another topic I plan on addressing in a post all its own.
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